RyanHxC's Journal

2:47pm: the change of seasons is always interesting. the time where you have to start wearing a jacket again, perhaps even a hat, gloves, or mittens, and warming the car with a blast of heat as you drive down the road. it seems that once again we're at that downward spiral where it feels as there will never be that light @ the end of the tunnel. but alas my friends, sunshine will prevail. and take over the world - again. mark my word. stay warm everyone, and enjoy the days that are to come.......theres so much out there..........

9:14pm: every little step i take, you will be there.......

11:07pm: you might fall in love with someone else today.....but i will ALWAYS love you, anyway.

4:44pm: i feel guilty for leading such a carefree life. we're put in different situations and settings for specific reasons. how did i luck out? tomorrow i could die. but you know what? i most likely wont. and im lucky and i appreciate things, like being able to get up in the morning on my own...i can dress myself, i can fix myself something to eat...do everything that a person who's healthy needs to do without the aid of someone else. the fact that i even have a kitchen with a variety of options of foods to choose from, my god some people don't even have a kitchen. being able to walk to my car and not feel nervous or scared by what or who might be out there. everything is intact, not fully but....full enough that i feel completely free.

5:09pm: one moment.
the instant you make your mind up about one thing, the next event that takes place can change your once clear and strong perception; making the next endeavor, an unfamiliar entity.

10:40am: XmemyselfandiX
sometimes its hard to know what i feel when i know that the only person in the world i can trust is myself. i guess it makes me feel more powerful, in that, i am the only one who has complete control and understanding of my own life. noone else. this can be both good and bad, either way you look at it. on a different note, thunderstorms bring peace and mind to my life.

4:14pm: genesis
eyes betray the soul and there is thinking. speaking words that i dont understand.

6:21pm: the cold encompasses.
the moon shines on.

2:11pm: i wish i could save up all my emotions and screaming in a bottle for one day... that i could unleash it all on the ones who made me feel the way i used to. i'd save about half or more for myself since i've set myself up to get hurt in different situations. for this day i give my heart out to the lonely ones of tonite. i cry and scream for you. i will now end this and continue on my way.. and then.... sleep.
peace, love, wisdom, light. i adore. <3

10:11am: slowly but surely
im trying real hard to just have some fun. lately, it's been hard and i don't know why. alot of my close friends have moved away, which on the positive side means there is potential for many exciting and adventurous road trips, but as always the negative is not seeing these lovely people for days upon days. i will be mature here and say that the glass is HALF FULL. i miss you - ( katie, steve, jamski, and hannah ) i vow i will see you soon. i still have over a month of vacation. and work...well they can miss me for a week or 2. i hope? speaking of vacation. we are fast approaching august which really is suckcore in my book. i was discussing this with jayda yesterday...my conclusion: august is the sunday of the year. it's like even though sunday is technically still part of the weekend, it truly sucks. not like you can have a 100% good time (well i guess you COULD if you a) tried or b) didn't have to work monday) but im talkin' majority-wise here it blows. you always have in the back of your mind that you won't be having any fun the next day. well that's how august is because it's basically the end of summer and september is right around the corner. the days get shorter (not significantly, but still!) and it's not as hot or summery as june or july. hm well atleast my pool is HEATED. today i am going to the library to read....something, i don't know what. i like going there sometimes. the atmosphere is cool and it's not as crowded during the summer (especially on nice days like today). tonight is lazer tag with brodie, mike, megan, dan, deery, manny, and adrian......with most likely a swim and snacks at mi casa. 'til next time.......im outxxx

6:43pm: september girl
everything's changing without me.

11:30pm: i miss you too, erin.
bettiecola: i miss ryanhxc

7:46pm: So I've abandoned my poor livejournal once again. Sorry :( but here I am. As real as I'll ever be. The semester has come to a successful end and it's on to bigger, better, and FUNNER endeavors. The pool and hot tub are open...Brodie and I christened it last evening. I am going to Hellfest and Furnace Fest as usual this summer. I plan to meet up with past friends and new. If anyone is reading this and is going to either of these, drop me a line, or comment sometime so we can meet up. That is what I thrive on. Friendships old and new alike...they are what make my heart beat day and night, day and night...I've neglected the whole internet thing for a month or so now, and I'm slowly becoming addicted once again. I'm out for now, I'm going down to Josie's house. Peace and Love, The Ryanhxc

9:49pm: call me
it feels like fall. the leaves should be turning colors. we will set the clocks back soon. i want it to be christmas. *looks at calender* april 13? what?

1:29am: 1:29am and all's well
wow i am really tired and i just realized it. i wont let myself go to sleep though. i'll feel like i'm going to be missing out on some sort of excitement, or possibly not. i'm sure the latter will become. tonight was one of those nights where i wasn't alll there. it's hard to explain really. brody and i went skating down by the library in east, but i felt like something was missing, and i couldn't really pinpoint it. it's soo hard to explain because i don't even know what it is. brody is my main man though. he friggin set off some car alarm. we fled the scene quite quickly and hit up tim hortons for some hot chocolates and stimulating conversation. i will end with some of my usual emoness. thank goodness noone i know really reads this...my tough hardcore image would be in shambles! (total kidding) i wont have internet access for the next few days, my whole house is getting rewired or something. i don't know that's just what my dad told me. what ever will i do? get a life? perhaps.

i cry, and i smile. each action having it's own reason. i adore.


...and i'd do anything for you.

10:20pm: for ............. eternity
my eyes: the place where truth is told, wander...and cry for that one moment of warmth.
my body: a mere case for the soul, melts...and burns for that one moment of embrace.
my mind: the place where true thoughts develop, ponders...and yearns for that one moment where we will finally meet again.

12:03am: why can't i listen to myself
every single morning i wake up and i feel like complete ass. i never get enough sleep. i always tell myself, go to bed earlier tonight, you will regret it if you don't. every morning, i say i will follow this advice. once the sun sets, it is a different story. this morning in the shower i was thinking about writing myself a note saying remember how you feel right now, go to bed by 11pm. it's a never ending cycle, and i hate it.

11:57pm: word to the streets
woah i finally figured out how to post my aim name on lj. yes i know, im out of the loop. but hey it works now. the highlight of my night. rock on.

12:05am: sleep on portraits painted as perfect as you
"first loves....are never really over."

i'm not sure about this quote. half of me agrees, the other half...is kinda ehh. i guess i could altar the phrase by saying, true loves...are never really over. who knows, who knows.


thank goodness sunday is over.

12:20am: tonight was truly amazing. i had dinner with an old friend of mine. we basically sat at the restaurant for about 4 hours talking about everything that was on our minds. it's great to have friends like that, where even if you don't get to see them that often, you can still be tight, as if you've never been apart. my mom and i also had a talk earlier today when i got home from school/skating. she's been working really odd hours such as 12:30pm-12:30am and 4:00am-8:00am. not consecutively ofcourse, but still, i don't know how she can do these shifts without collapsing. i admire her tons. anyway it was a nice quality conversation. i felt like i had been drifting from her, and anyone who knows me, knows just how close i am/used to be with my mom. my dad lived in england for about a year, so it was just my mom and i during that time. i did everything i could for her, and we just became as close as can be. im not a typical momma's boy, but i sure have no problem telling my mom how much i love her and taking her out on "dates" if you will haha. as a matter of fact, she told me she has next tuesday off, so her and i made plans for dinner and a movie. and i'm going to pay because she deserves it. bon soir.

2:13am: the moon shines bright tonight
the meaning of life is pursuing dreams into realities. i'll stop at nothing to make these dreams come true, nothing. on that note, it is time for me to go dream more things, to add to my list of neverending possibilities between you and i. i could cry at the thought of you. streams of tearful bliss.

sorry for the emoness, but hey what can i say, it IS 2:13am. it's either depression or emotion. i choose the latter.

11:36pm: and the night rolls on...
when you are too lazy to go to your favorite websites on the internet, or even brush your teeth, or get changed out of your day clothes, i suppose you could say, that is the epitome of laziness.

...and that is exactly my stance at this moment. i don't know why, nor do i really care, but blah...i need SOME sort of excitement before i fall asleep sitting up with this blank stare on my face.


help.

9:40pm: the air brings peace, the mood brings silence
people who don't know how to read/use a syllabus should be either kicked out of college or shouldn't even be admitted into college.


girlscout cookies are good. i just ate 3. 2 thin mints and 1 samoa. i hate how they changed the name. i won't tolerate any of this "caramel deLites" bullshit.


josh and i went skating today. the snow is finally gone. well nearly gone. enough that we were able to skate for a couple hours without getting wet from slush. then we had dinner at strange brew. it's this awesome vegan cafe/coffee shop. i got stir fry with rice and vegan hot chocolate.


the end.

5:02pm: a bed time thought
last night, before drifting into slumber i began to ponder the concept of time. how...humans made up 365 days equals a year and so forth. for some reason i thought, what if 1 year were 730 days long...we'd all be half our age, although we wouldn't know the difference. and...there'd still be 4 "seasons" per say, yet they'd happen 2 times in order to complete the cycle of 1 year. and if this were all the case, i guess there would be 24 different months, or 8 weeks per month. i have no idea why i thought of all this and im sure it's irrelevant to any and most likely everyone, but hey...what can i say..i was half awake/half asleep. so much for my attempt at a revelation.

1:16pm: .............
alot of the times things are so confusing when they shouldn't be. every word, every gesture, every mood, every.....everything. i don't know where i'm going with this really.


i should be studying ofcourse but im here updating this action. probably what most other college students are doing this moment. that's what sundays are for i guess.

time to get motivated. later